The Persuasive Principle

his book offers you one central piece of advice: “Whenever possible, think of your writing as a form of persuasion. Persuasion is traditionally considered to be a separate branch of writing. When you write what's usually called a persuasion paper, you pick a controversial issue, tell your readers which side you're on, and try to persuade them that you're correct: the defense budget needs to be decreased, handguns should be outlawed, doctors must be protected against frivolous malpractice suits, required freshman English courses should be abolished. Persuasion is supposed to be based on differ ent principles from other kinds of writing-description, narration, exposition, and so forth. It isn' t. A description of a relative, an account of what you went through to get your first job, a comparison of two brands of dishwashers-if you can approach such assignments as an effort to persuade your reader of the validity of a particu lar opinion or major point, you're in business as a writer. Your paper's opinion or major point is called its thesis. Your thesis may be that your relative is the most boring person you have ever met, that getting your first job was easier than you thought it would be, that a Maytag dishwasher is likely to last longer than a Whirlpool. If you have a thesis, and if you select and organize your material to support that thesis, a number of basic writing problems begin to solve them selves. You have built-in purpose. You have built-in organization. You have the potential for built-in interest. Aside from a few obvious exceptions, such as newspaper reports, encyclopedia articles, instruction manuals, recipe s, and certain types of stories, poems, and plays, all writing can benefit from a commitment to the persuasive principle: Develop a thesis, and then back it up. There is no better way to demonstrate the effectiveness of the persuasive principle than to take a close look at what goes on, or ought to go on, as a paper is being planned.

2 CHAPTER 1 THE PERSUASIVE PRINCIPLE

G EN ER A L S U B J ECT

“Write something worth reading about ” In essence, all writing assignments for students, business executives, Nobel Prize winners, and everyone else-begin this way, though ordinarily, the directions aren't that frank. Let's start from scratch and assume that your instructor has left the choice of subject mostly up to you. You may be entirely on your own, or you may have a list of general subjects from which you must make your selection. Imagine that you have to write something worth reading about one of the following topics: education, prejudice, politics, television, or sports. You make your choice, if you're like the majority of people, by deciding what you're most interested in and infom1ed about or what will go over best with your audience. Let's say you pick education. You now have a subject, and your troubles have now begun. You have to write 500 words or so on a subject to which tens of thousands of books have been devoted. Where do you begin? Where do you stop? Will it ever be possible to stop? What's important? What's not important? Until you limit your subject, you have no way of answering any of these questions. You are at the mercy of every miscellaneous thought and scrap of information that drifts into your mind.

LIM I TED SUBJECT

Narrow down your subject. Then narrow it down some more. Narrow it down until you have a subject that can be treated effectively in the assigned length. In many respects, the narrower your subject, the better off you are- as long as you still have something to say about it. With a properly limited subject, you explore only a small part of your general subject, but you explore it thoroughly.

Gene ral Subject Education Prejudice Politics Television Sports

Lim ited Subject Professor X Religious prejudice People who don't vote Commercials Baseball salaries

A paper of 500 words on education is doomed to be superficial at best. It might be possible, however, to write 500 words that are worth reading on one of your teachers, essay versus objec tive examinations, reasons for attending col lege (narrowed down to just one reason, if you have enough to say), registration procedures, fraternities, and so on. With a sensibly limited subject, you have a chance of producing a good paper. You are no longer doomed to superficiality. If you write a description

THESIS 3

of one of your teachers, for example, you possess immensely more knowledge about your subject than do fellow students who have not taken a course from that teacher. Certainly, you are no longer at the mercy of every thought about education that you have ever had. Your troubles are not over, though. You've limited your subject, and you've done it well-but what now? Look at the most limited of the subjects in the preceding table. You're writing a description of a teacher – Professor X. Do you tell your reader about the teacher's height, weight, age, marital status, clothing, ethnic background, religious background, educational background? Publications? Grading policy? Attendance policy? Lecture techniques? Sense of humor? Handling of difficult classroom situations? Attitude toward technology? Knowledge of field? How, in short, do you determine what belongs in your paper and what doesn't? The truth is that you're still at the mercy of every thought that occurs to you. This time, it's just every thought about Professor X, not every thought about education in general. But until you find a thesis, you still have trouble.

THESIS

Your thesis is the basic stand you take, the opinion you express, the point you make about your limited subject. It's your controlling idea, tying together and giving direction to all of the separate elements in your paper. Your primary purpose is to persuade the reader that your thesis is valid. You may, and probably should, have secondary purposes. You may want to amuse or alarm or inform or issue a call to action, for instance-but unless the primary purpose is achieved, no secondary purpose stands a chance . If you want to amuse your readers by making fun of inconsistent dress codes at your old high school, there's no way to do it successfully without first convincing them of the validity of your thesis-that the dress codes were inconsistent and thus do deserve to be ridiculed. A thesis is only a vibration in the brain until it is turned into words. The first step in creating a workable thesis is to write a one-sentence version of the thesis, which is called a thesis statement. For example: Professor X is an incompetent teacher. Professor X is a classic absentminded professor. Professor X's sarcasm antagonizes many students. Professor X's colorful personality has become a campus legend. Professor X is better at lecturing than at leading discussio ns. Professor X's youthful good looks have created awkward problems in class. If you need more than one relatively uncomplicated sentence, chances are that your thesis isn't as unified as it ought to be or that it's too ambitious for a short paper. Any limited subject will still produce a wide range of possible thesis

statements. Any limited subject, however, will help you keep your thesis statement focused and concise.

Limited Subject Professor X Religious prejudice People who don't vote Commercials Baseball salaries

Thesis Statement Professor X is a classic absentminded professor. Religious prejudice is the prejudice least likely to die. Not voting may sometimes be a responsible decision. Television commercials can be great entertainment. Many baseball players are paid far more than their abilities can justify.

Writing with a thesis gives a paper a sense of purpose and eliminates the prob lem of aimless drift. Your purpose is to back up the thesis. As a result, writing with a thesis also helps significantly in organizing the paper. You use only what enables you to accomplish your purpose. Weight problems and religion have nothing to do with Professor X's absentmindedness, for example, so you don't bother with them. Most of all, writing with a thesis gives a paper an intrinsic dramatic interest. You commit yourself You have something at stake: “This is what I believe, and this is why I'm right.” You say, “Professor Xis absentminded.” Your reader says, “Tell me why you think so.” You say, ''I'll be glad to.” Your reader says, ''I'm listening.” Now all you have to do is deliver. So far, then, we've established that a thesis is the main idea that all elements in the paper should support and that you should be able to express it in a single sen tence. We've established that a thesis has several important practical benefits. That's the bird's-eye view, but the concept is important enough to demand a closer look.

WHAT A THESIS ISN'T

A Thesis Is Not a Title A title can often give the reader some notion of what the thesis is going to be, but the title is not the thesis itself. The thesis itself, as presented in the thesis statement, does not suggest the main idea-it is the main idea. Remember, too, that a thesis statement will always be a complete sentence; there's no other way to make a statement.

Title: Not a Thesis Homes and Schools

James Cagney: Hollywood Great Social Security and Old Age

Thesis Statement Parents ought to participate more in the education of their children. James Cagney was one of the greatest actors ever to appear in movies. Probable changes in the Social Security system make it almost impossible to plan intelligently for one's retirement.

(continued)

Title: Not a Thesis A Shattering Experience The Fad of Divorce

Thesis Statement My first visit to the zoo was a shattering expenence . Too many people get divorced for trivial reasons.

A Thesis Is Not an Announcement of the Subject A thesis takes a sta nd. It expresses an attitude toward the subject . It is not the subject itself

Announcement: Not a Thesis My subject is the classic absentmind edness of Professor X. The many unforeseen problems I encountered when I went camping are the topic of this theme. This paper will attempt to tell you something about the emotions I felt on viewing the Grand Canyon. The thesis of this paper is the difficulty of solving our environmental problems.

Thesis Statement Professor X is a classic absentminded professor. I encountered many unforeseen pro blems when I went camping.

The Grand Canyon was even more magnificent than I had imagined.

Solving our environmental problems is more difficult than many environmen talists believe.

A Thesis Is Not a Statement of Absolute Fact A thesis makes a judgment or interpretation. There's no way to spend a whole paper supporting a statement that needs no support . Fact: Not a Thesis Jane Austen is the author of Pride and Prejudice. The capital of California is Sacramento . Suicide is the deliberate taking of one's own life. President Lincoln's first name was Abraha m. The planet closest to the Sun is M ercury.

A Thesis Is Not the Whole Essay A thesis is your main idea, often expressed in a single sentence. Be careful not to confuse the term as it is used in this text with the book-length thesis or disserta tion required of candidates for advanced degrees.

WHAT A GOOD THESIS IS

It's possible to have a one-sentence statement of an idea and still not have a thesis that can be supported effectively. What characterizes a good thesis?

A Good Thesis Is Restricted Devising a thesis statement as you plan your paper can be a way of limiting, or restricting, your subject even further. A paper supporting the thesis that Professor X is absent minded, besides taking a stand on its subject, has far less territory to cover than a paper on Professor X in general. Thesis statements themselves, however, may not always be sufficiently narrow . A good thesis deals with restricted, bite-size issues, not with issues that would require a lifetime to discuss inte lligen tly. The more restricted the thesis, the better the chances are for supporting it fully.

Poor The world is in a terrible mess. People are too selfish. The American auto industry has many problems.

Crime must be stopped.

Better The United Nations should be given more peace-keeping powers. Human selfishness is seen at its worst during rush hour. The worst problem of the American auto industry is unfair competition from foreign countries. Our courts should hand out tougher sentences to habitual criminals.

A Good Thesis Is Unified The thesis expresses one major idea about its su bject. The tight structure of your paper depends on its working to support that one idea. A good thesis sometimes may include a secondary idea if that idea is strictly subordinated to the major one. Without that subordination, the writer will have too many important ideas to handle, and the structure of the paper will suffer.

Poor Detective stories are not a high form of literature, but people have always been fascinated by them, and many fine writers have experimented with them . The new health program is excellent, but it has several drawbacks, and it should be run only on an experimental basis for two or three years.

The Columbus Cavaliers have trouble at the defensive end and linebacker positions, and front-office tensions don 't help, but the team should be able to make the play- offs.

Better Detective stories appeal to the basic human desire for thrills.

The new health program should be run only on an experimental basis for two or three years. Or Despite its general excellence, the new health program should be run only on an experimental basis for two or three years. The Columbus Cavaliers should be able to make the play-offs. Or Even granting a few troubles, the Columbus Cavaliers should be able to make the play- offs.

A Good Thesis Is Specific A satisfactorily restricted and unified thesis may be useless if the idea it commits you to is vague. “The new corporate headquarters is impressive,” for example, could mean anything from impressively beautiful to impressively ugly. With a thesis statement such as ''.James Joyce's Ulysses is very good,” you would probably have to spend more words defining good than discussing Ulysses. Even when there's no likelihood of confusion, vague ideas normally come through as so familiar, dull, or universally accepted that the reader sees no point in paying attention to them.

Poor James Joyce's Ulysses is very good.

Drug addiction is a big problem.

Our vacation was a tremendous expenence . My parents are wonderful people.

Better James Joyce's Ulysses helped create a new way for writers to deal with the unconsc10us. Drug addiction has caused a huge increase in violent crimes. Our vacation enabled us to learn the true meaning of sharing. Everything my parents do is based on their loving concern for the welfare of the family.

You may also extend your thesis statement to include the major points that you will discuss in the body of the paper. The previously cited thesis statements could be extended as follows:

Specific James Joyce's Ulysses helped create a new way for writers to deal with the unconsc10us.

Drug addiction has caused a huge increase in violent crimes.

Our vacation enabled us to learn the true meaning of sharing.

Everything my parents do is based on their loving concern for the welfare of the family.

Extended Specific James Joyce's Ulysses helped create a new way for writers to deal with the uncon scious by utilizing the findings of Freudian psychology and introducing the techniques of literary stream of consciousness. Drug addiction has caused a huge increase in violent crimes in the home, at school, and on the streets . Our vacation enabled us to learn the true meaning of sharing our time, space, and possessions. Everything my parents do is based on their loving concern for maintaining the welfare of the family by keeping us in touch with our past, helping us to cope with our present, and inspiring us to build for our fut ure.

These extended thesis statements have certain virtues, but they have their drawbacks, too . They can be considered summaries or mini outlines in some respects, and therefore they can be useful because they force you to think through the entire essay before you begin to write. They may be especially help ful if you are uneasy about your organizing abilities. In short essays, on the other hand, extended thesis statements may not be necessary or desirable . They may, for example, tell readers more than you want them to know-and tell it to them too soon. After all, a summary usually belongs at the end of an essay, not at the beginning. Be sure you know whether your instructor has any preference. Remember the main point, though: It is essential that the thesis be specific.

EXERCISES FOR REVIEW

A. Write T next to each statement that is a thesis. Write NT next to each statement that is not a thesis. 1. My grandfath er's memory has become very weak lately, creating major problems for him with his family, friends, and business associates. 2. In this project I will outline the three major causes of the Civil War. 3. The dessert known as “peach melba” was named for the opera singer Dame Nellie Melba. 4. Baseball players' nicknames often have interesting stories behind them. 5. Comic Books: Not Just for Kids. 6. This paper will consider the major reasons for lowering the national drinking age, namely the inconsistency the drinking age shows with the legal age for voting, for driving, and for joining the military. 7. Some students show more resourcefulness at making excuses than at getting their work done . 8. There are three main kinds of cho colate: dark, milk, and white. 9. The more sensible a par ent's advice to a teenager, the more likely it is to be scorned or ignored. 10. Increasing common courtesy on the road is the best way to reduce traffic accidents. B. Write G next to each statement that is a good thesis. Write NG next to each statement that is not sufficiently restricted, unified, or specific, and be pre pared to suggest revisions. 1. During the Middle Ages, Islam was far more tolerant of other religions than was Christianity. 2. There's a sucker born every minute .– P. T. Barnum 3. Dieters I have known almost always regain their lost weight. 4. Obesity is a serious health problem, but the media have exaggerated the dangers, and many diets can bring about health problems of their own. 5. Stephen King's books have more literary merit than most critics want to admit.

The U.S. health care system is in serious trouble .
Raising the standard retirement age from sixty-five to sixty-seven would make a major contribution toward helping the Social Security system.
Learning how to make your own sushi is easier than you think.
Government should help citizens after natural disasters, but indepen dence should also be encouraged, and we have to worry about gov ernment spending, too. 10. My skiing vacation was one long series of annoyances, mishaps, and disasters.

THE THESIS AT WORK IN THE PAPER

The thesis statement is a tool, not an end in itself. It has two outstanding values. First, it serves as a test of whether your main idea meets the require ments we have just discussed: whether it is a firm concept that can actually be put into words, or only a fuzzy notion that is not yet ready for development. Second, the thesis statement is a constant, compact reminder of the point your paper must make. Therefore, it is an indispensable means of determining the relevancy or irrelevancy, the logic or lack of logic, of all the material that goes into the paper. In itself, the thesis statement is a deliberately bare-bones presentation of your idea. In your paper, you will attempt to deal with the idea in a far more interesting way. The thesis statement, for example, may never appear word-for-word in your final paper. There's no special rule that in the final paper you must declare the thesis in a single sentence. In some rare cases, the thesis may only be hinted at rather than stated openly. The proper places for the bare-bones thesis statement are in your mind with every word you write, on any piece of scratch paper on which you jot down the possible ingredients of your essay, and at the beginning of a formal outline. (If you are ever required to construct such an outline, all the student papers in Chapters 2-10 begin with formal topic outlines that you can use as examples. Your instructor will give you further guidance.) In most short papers, the thesis is presented in the first paragraph, the intro duction. Again, no absolute rule states that this must always be the case-just as no rule demands that an introduction must only be one paragraph (the last “Sample Introduction” following, for example, is three paragraphs)-but in practice, most papers do begin that way. It's what seems to work for most people most of the time. As a general guideline, it's helpful to think of the first paragraph's job as presenting the thesis in an interesting way. The word interesting is important. The introduction should not ordinarily be a one-sentence paragraph consisting solely of the unadorned thesis state ment. The introduction certainly should indicate clearly what the thesis is, but it also should arouse curiosity or stress the importance of the subject or establish a particular tone of humor, anger, solemnity, and so forth.

Thesis Statement Professor X is a classic absentminded professor.

Religious prejudice is the prejudice least likely to die.

Not voting may some times be a responsible decision.

Television commercials can be ente rtainment .

Sample Introduction I had heard about the professor who spent an entire class session looking for her glasses, when she was already wearing them. I had heard about the professor who wore mismatched sneakers to lecture. I had heard about the professor who showed up to give a final exam ... without the exam. I had even heard about the professor who gave an inspiring and stirring lecture on Aristotle's theory of “the good life” to a very confused calculus class. I thought the stories were the kind of creative fiction that all college students engage in to let off a little st eam. Then I took a class taught by Professor X. The past sixty years or so have seen enormous advances in overcoming human prejudices. We have seen advances in jobs, education, and housing. We have seen increasing equality in civil rights for people of color, for women, and people of different sexual preferences. But, especially after the events of September 11'\ the most depressing area, the area in which it seems we have actually gone backwards rather than forwards, is the area of religious prejudice. Public service ads tell us to be good citizens and make sure to vote. On election eves, the candi dates tell us to exercise our sacred rights and hustle down to the polling booth, even if we're not going to cast our ballots for them. Network phi losophers tell us that the country is going downhill because so few people vote for president. But my neighbor Joe is totally indifferent to politics; he knows little and cares less. My neighbor Jennifer thinks both candidates are equally foul. I believe that Joe, Jennifer, and thousands like them are making intelligent, responsible decisions when they stay home on Election Day, and I admire them for not letting themselves be bullied. I like television commercials. It's a terrible con fession. I know I'm supposed to sneer and brood and write letters to people who want to protect me, but I like commercials. They can be great entertainment, and it's time somebody said so. (continued)

Thesis Statement Many baseball players are paid far more than their abilities can justify.

Sample Introduction An essay in Forbes magazine by the late spo rts commentator Dick Schaap tells a story about the great Baseball Hall of Farner and Detroit Tiger of the 1930s and 1940s, Hank Greenberg, the first player to make $100,000 a year. Greenberg's son Steve was once an agent negotiating contracts . He told his father about a player he was repre senting whose batting average was .238. “What should I ask for?” Steve inquired. “Ask for a uniform,” Hank replied. Today, unfortunately, any agent would also ask for several million dollars-and would probably get it. Baseball players' salaries have become ridiculously high and have little or nothing to do with actual athletic abilities.

The function of subsequent paragraphs- paragraphs generally referred to as the body—is to support the thesis. All sorts of paragraph arrangements are possi ble. The important consideration is that the body paragraphs, individually and as a whole, must persuade your reader that your thesis makes sense. One of the most common paragraph arrangements is worth studying at this time, because it's the easiest to follow and because our concern here is with the essential connection between the body paragraphs and the thesis, not with fine points. This arrangement gives a separate paragraph to each supporting point and the specific evidence necessary to substantiate it. In sketchy outline form, the progression of paragraphs might look something like this: ,r 1-Presentation of thesis: There are at least three good reasons for abolishing capital punishment. Start of ,r 2-First, statistics show that capital punishment is not really a deterrent.... Start of ,r 3-Second, when capital punishment is used, it is forever impossible to correct a mistaken conviction . . .. Start of ,r 4- Third, capital punishment has often been used in a discriminatory fashion against poor people and African Americans . . .. Using the same form of one paragraph for each supporting idea, but abandoning the neatness of numbered points, we might find the following: ,r 1-Presentation of thesis: Dieting can be dangerous. Start of ,r 2-Some diets can raise cholesterol levels alarmingly . . .. Start of ,r 3-In other cases, over an extended period , some diets can lead to serious vitamin deficiencies.... Start of ,r 4-One further danger is that already existing medical problems, su ch as high blood pressure, can be drastically aggravated .. ..

Most papers also have a distinct conclusion, a last paragraph that provides a needed finishing touch. The conclusion can be a quick summary of your thesis and main supporting points. It can emphasize, or reemphasize, the importance of your thesis. It can relate a seemingly remote thesis to people's everyday lives. It can make a prediction. It can issue a call for action. In one way or another, the conclusion reinforces or develops the thesis; it should never introduce a totally unrelated, new idea. The conclusion should bring your paper to a smooth stop . Just as the introduction steers clear of direct announcements, the conclusion should avoid the blatant “Well, that's about it” ending . There are dozens of possible conclusions, but almost all papers benefit from having one. (For specific examples of different kinds of conclu sions, see page 167.) The group of readings that follows shows the persuasive principle in action by offering contrasting examples of good and not-so-good writing. From short thank-you notes to freshman English compositions, the results of writing with and without a thesis can be explored in detail. Later chapters will comment on and provide examples of the techniques appropriate for particular patterns of writing: classification, description, and so on . Patterns change depending on sub jects and approaches. Principles do not change. The basic nature of good writing, as discussed in this chapter, remains constant.

Two Ads on the Community Bulletin Board A. Babysitter Experienced high school student available, weekdays to midnight, weekends to 2 A.M. Reasonable rates. Call Sandy, 335-0000.

B. Babysitter A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT WHO KNOWS THE THREE R's R eady- any weekday to midnight, weekends to 2 A.M. Reliable-four years' experience, references available. Reasonable-$8.00 per hour, flat fee for more than five hours. Call Sandy, 335-0000

Discussion and Questions Even a short “position wanted” ad can use the persuasive principle to its advan tage. A dozen high school students pin a dozen differen t typed or handwritten index cards to the bulletin board at the local library or supermarket. Most of the cards convey lifeless facts. One or two cards make the same facts come alive by using them to support an idea. Those are the cards that get a second look-and get their writers a phone call.

Which ad has a thesis?
Does the ad support its thesis?
Which ad uses more specific facts?

Two “Personals” A. Clark Kent seeks Lois Lane. I know I'm no Superman, but I'm a good guy. I'm not faster than a speeding bullet, but I love to bike and take long walks . I'm not more powerful than a locomotive, but I am in upper man agement at my company. I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but I do love to travel and just returned from a rock-climbing trip in the South west. Where can I find an intrepid “girl reporter” with lots of moxie who won't mind that I can't fly and that I don't wear a cape? Could you be the one?

B. Single male professional in an upper management pos1t1on, is looking for a woman for bike rides and long walks. I also like to travel and have done a lot of it. Call if interes ted.

Discussion and Questions Much like an advertisement for a babysitting business, an advertisement for your self is most effective when, in addition to being informative, it is lively and stands out from the competition in some way. The same person describes himself in both of the previous ads, but we think that one ad is much more likely to attract interest. 1. Which ad has a thesis? 2. Which ad makes an effort to attract the reader's interest? 3. Which ad uses more specific facts?

Two Sets of Directions A. How to Get from Town to Camp Wilderness Take Freeway west to Millersville Road exit. Go north on Millersville Road to Route 256. West on 256 to Laurel Lane . North on Laurel Lane until you see our sign. Turn right, and you 're there.

B. How to Get from Town to Camp W ilderness You 'll have an easy trip if you avoid three trouble spots: 1. You have to take the MILLERSVILLE ROAD exit as you go west on the Freeway , and it's a left-hand exit. Start bearing left as soon as you see the “Millersville 5 miles” sign. 2. After turning north (right) on Millersville Road, don't panic when you see Route 526. You want ROUTE 256, and that's 8 more miles. 3. Go west 0eft) on Route 256 to LAUREL LANE. The street signs are almost impossible to read, but Laurel Lane is the second road on the right after the Mobil station . Once on Laurel Lane, you're all set. Go 2 miles until you see our sign. Tum right, and you' re there.

Discussion and Questions Writing competent directions is a difficult task . When you are explaining something you know well, it's hard to put yourself in the place of a total nov ice. You may be excessively casual about some step-or even forget to men tion it. Directions can also be hard to read; for novices, they can seem to be a series of one disconnected step after another. Writing with a thesis helps the steps come together in the reader s' minds and gives them a comforting sense of securi ty. 1. Which set of directions has a thesis? 2. Which tries to anticipate difficulties? 3. Explain the unconventional capitalization in example B.

Dear Aunt Molly,

Two Thank-You Notes

July 25, 2013

“Thanks for everything” is an old, old phrase, but I've never meant it more. Thanks for your generous, great big check. Thanks for coming to the graduation ceremo nies. Thanks for years of hugs and funny commen ts and good advice . Thanks for caring so much for me, and thanks for being Aunt Molly. Much love, Afu

Dear Aunt Molly,

July 25, 2013

Thank you so much for your generous check. I was really happy that you could come to my graduation, and I hope you had a good time. Thank you so much again. Much love, A/i,,u

Discussion and Questions Back in the days before long-distance phone calls became routine, people wrote many more personal letters than they do now. For a good number of people today, the thank-you note is probably the only personal letter writing they do, other than a few cheerful greetings on postcards, Christmas cards, or e-mails. Graduates, newlyweds, new parents, and grieving widows and widowers all need to write thank-you note s. There's not much choice of subject , of course, and even most of the ideas are predetermined. How can the writer make a thank-you note sound like a sincere expression of emotion, not just good man ners? The persuasive principle is a valuable aid . 1. Which note has a thesis? 2. How many pieces of “ evidence ” support the thesis? 3. How does the choice of words in the supporting evidence further reinforce the thesis? 4. Which note communicates more feeling?

Two Letters of Complaint (in traditional and e-mail form) A. 13 Pier Street New York, NY 10016

Customer Complaints Maybach Company 123 Fifth Avenue New York, NY 10001 Subject : Defective Coffee Table

July 25, 2013

I have tried calling three different times and have not received any sat isfaction , so now I am going to try writing .

I have absolutely no intention of paying any $749.60. I returned my coffee table more than a month ago. One of the legs was wobbly, and the top had a bad scratch. Two times the pickup men did not come on the day they said they would. I returned the first bill for the table, and now you just sent me another one, and all I get from people when I call the store is “We'll look into it.” Also, the price was $174.96, not $749.60. I await your reply. Yours very truly, AUjud:a- 8rij3s Augusta Briggs

B. Subject: Defective Coffee Table Date: Thu, 25 July 2013 16:14:30-0500 (CDT) From: abriggs@somedomain.com (Augusta Briggs) To: customerservice@maybach.com When you folks make mistakes, you don't kid around . You make big ones. Phone calls haven't done me much good, so I'm hoping that this letter can clear things up. Early last month-probably June 9 or 10-I returned a defective coffee table. Since you had no more in stock, I canceled the order. When the bill came for the table, I returned it with a note of explanation. Exactly one week ago, July 16, I received a second bill. To add to the fun, this second bill was for $749.60 instead of the original $174.96. When I called the store, I was told I'd be called back by the next day at the latest. I'm still waiting. I'm sure you agree that these are too many mistakes, and that they are big enough to be extremely annoying. Shall we get this matter settled once and for all? Thank you for your attention . Yours very truly, Augusta Briggs 13 Pier Street New York, NY 10016

Discussion and Questions The letter to a friend may not be as common as it once was, but business writing-and business plays a role in our private lives as well as in our jobs is as important as ever. Indeed, the advent of e- mail may have made business writing even more common. When the clear and methodical statement of

TWO REPLIES TO THE SECOND LETTER OF COMPLAINT 17

ideas and facts is essential, putting it into writing, either on paper or electron ically, becomes inevitable. The writer of a letter of complaint has two special difficulties, both of which must be resolved if the letter is to be effective. On one hand, the writer must communicate the gravity of the complaint, or the complaint may be treated casually, perhaps even ignored. On the other hand, the writer must simultaneously come through as a ratio nal human being calmly presenting a grievance. It's essential that the writer not be dismissed as a crackpot or a crank. Letters from crackpots and cranks get shown around the office, everyone has a good laugh, and then the letter goes to the bottom of the fattest pile of unanswered correspondence. Business correspondence is increasingly done by e-mail these days. It is impor tant to remember that although e-mail allows you to communicate with your correspondent more quickly than traditional mail, it should not be treated with any less care. It's easy, when sending an e-mail, to ignore conventions of organi zation, grammar, spelling, and so on. It's also easy to fall into bad habits that are unique to e-mail, such as using “emoticons” and long, self-consciously cute signa ture files. Don't. A sloppy piece of business e-mail is as much of an embarrassment as a sloppy piece of traditional mail. Neither one is likely to generate the response you're seeking. 1. Which letter has a thesis? 2. Does the letter support the thesis with specific evidence? 3. Does the letter have a conclusion to reinforce or develop the thesis? 4. Why does the writer of letter B say nothing specific about what was wrong with the coffee table? 5. What is the purpose of the informal phrasing (“you folks,” “kid around”) and humorous touches in letter B? 6. Are there elements in letter A that might allow the reader to dismiss the writer as a crank? 7. Why do business-letter paragraphs tend to be so short?

Two Replies to the Second Letter of Complaint (in traditional and e-mail form) A. Maybach Company 123 Fifth Avenue New York, NY 10001 (212) 333-3333

Customer Relations Ms. Augusta Briggs 13 Pier Street New York, NY 10016

July 28, 2013

Dear Ms. Briggs: We apolo gize. We made a lot of mistakes, and we are truly sorry. We tried to phone you with our apology as soon as we got your letter ofJuly 25, but you weren't at home. Therefore, we're taking this opportunity to apologize in writing. We also want to tell you that your bill for the coffee table has been canceled once and for all, and you won't be bothered again . If something else should go wrong, please call me directly at extension 4550. Good service makes happy customers, and happy customers are the heart of our business. We appreciate your letting us know when our service isn't so good, and we want to assure you that we've taken steps to see that these mistakes don't recur. Again, please accept our sincere regrets. Do we dare call your attention to the store wide furniture sale all of next month, including an excellent stock of coffee tables? Yours very truly, Rf;s Aw1Uo Rose Alonso

B. Subject: Defective Coffee Table Date: Mon, 29 July 2013 11:12:38-0500 (CDT) From: customerservice@maybach.com To: abriggs@somedomain.com (Augusta Briggs) Dear Ms. Briggs: Pursuant to your letter of July 25, please be advised that your bill for the returned coffee table has been canceled. This department attempted to phone you immediately upon receipt of your let ter, but no answer was received . We apo logize for any inconvenience you may have experienced, and we hope that we may continue to deserve your patronage in the future . There is a store wide furniture sale all of next month in which you may have a special interest .

Yours very truly, Rose Alonso Manager

Discussion and Questions 1. Which letter develops a thesis? Which letter is a collection of separate sentences?

VISUAL PROMPT 19

Which letter makes the phone call seem an indication of the company's concern? Which letter makes the call seem as if the company had been inconvenienced?
Which letter is superior in convincing the customer that her problems are finally over?
Both letters express hope for the customer's continued trade. Why is letter A far better in this respect?

VISUAL PROMPT

Your thesis is your controlling idea, tying together and giving direction to all the separate elements in your paper.

Writing Prompt

How is the broken bridge in this photograph like a paper without a thesis statement?

TWO “HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION” ESSAYS (in-class assignment) A. I couldn't find a job this summer, and it's hard to write much about my summer vacation. Every morning I would get up between 8:30 and 9:00. My breakfast would usually be juice, toast, and coffee, though sometimes I would have eggs, too .

For a couple of weeks, after breakfast I would mow some neighbors' lawns, but after a while I got bored with that, and mostly I just hung around. Usually I read the paper and then straightened up my room. For lunch I had a sandwich and a glass of milk. I remember once my mother and I had a real argument because there wasn't anything for a sandwich. After lunch, if my mother didn't need the car, I'd usually drive over to the big shopping center with some of my friends. We'd walk around to see what was happening, and sometimes we'd try to pick up some girls. Mostly we'd just look at the girls. Sometimes, instead of going to the shopping center, we'd go sw1mmmg. After supper, it was usually television or a movie. Television is mostly reruns in the summer, and it was a bad scene. Some of the movies were okay, but nothing sensational. In the middle of the summer, my older sister and her family came to visit from out of town. That was fun because I like my two little nephews a lot, and we played catch in the backyard. My brother-in-law kept asking what I was doing with my time , and my mother said at least I was staying out of trouble.

B. I couldn't find a job this summer, and most people would probably say that I spent my summer doing nothing. In fact, I spent most of my summer practicing very hard to be a pest. To start with, I developed hanging around the house into an art. It drove my mother crazy. After breakfast, I'd read the paper, spreading it out over the entire living room, and then take my midmorning nap. Refreshed by my rest, I'd then ask my mother what was available for lunch. Once when there was no Italian salami left and the bread was a little stale, I looked at her sadly and sighed a lot and kept opening and closing the refrigerator. She didn't take my suffering too well. As I recall, the expression she used was “no good bum” or something of that order. In the evenings, I'd sigh a lot over having to watch television reruns. When my mother asked me why I watched ifl didn' t enjoy myself, I sighed some more. The other main center for my activities as a pest was at the big shopping center a short drive from home. My friends and I-we figured we needed pro tection-would stand in people's way in the mall and make them walk around us. We'd try on clothes we had no intention of buying and complain about the price. We'd make eyes and gestures and offensive remarks at any pretry girls. W e'd practice swaggering and strutting and any other means of looking obnox ious that occurred to us. Miscellaneous other activities during the summer included splashing people at the beach, laughing in the wrong places at movies, and honking the car horn madly at pedestrians as they started to cross the street. These are small-time adventures, I realize, but difficult to do with real style. Basically, I had myself a good summer. It's always a pleasure to master a set of skills, and I think I've come close to being an expert pest. I wonder what new thrills lie in wait next summer.

Discussion and Que sti ons “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” The subject is deadly. To make matters worse, here are two students who spent a remarkably uneventful summer. One blunders along and writes a frightful paper. The other develops a thesis, supports it, and ends with an appealing little paper. It's no candidate for a prize, but it's an appealing little paper. Enough said. 1. In paper A, is “it's hard to write much about my summer vacation” a thesis? If so, is it a good thesis? Does the writer support it? 2. If both papers have a thesis, are the theses basically the same? 3. What topics mentioned in paper A are not mentioned in paper B? Why? 4. Which paper has a conclusion? Is it effective? 5. Both papers use many specific details. Which paper uses them better? Why? 6. Which paper has better-developed paragraphs? 7. Which paragraphs in paper A do not have topic sentences? Do all the para graphs in paper B have topic sentences? 8. Which paper handles the argument about lunch better? Why?

Two Freshman English Essays on a Literary Subject Many freshman English courses devote part of the school year to reading, discussing, and writing about works of literature. One of the most popular and frequently anthologized American works of the twentieth century is Shirley Jackson's short story, “The Lottery.” First published in 1948 , it remains a subject for critical analysis and a source of controversy. We invite you to read “The Lottery” and then apply the persuasive principle to evaluating two student essays about the story.

THE LOTTERY SHIRLEY JACKSON

1 The morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the fresh warmth of a full summer day; the flowers were blossoming profusely and the grass was richly green. The people of the village began to gather in the squar e, between the post office and the bank, around ten o'clock; in some towns there were so many people that the lottery took two days and had to be started on June 26th, but in this village, where there were only about three hundred people, the whole lottery took less than two hours, so it could begin at ten o'clock in the morning and still be through in time to allow the villagers to get home for noon dinner.

“The Lottery” from THE LOTTERY AND OTHER STO R IES by Shi rley Ja ckson. C op yright © 1948, 1949 by Shirle y Jackson, a nd copyrig ht renewe d 1976, 19 77 by Laurence Hyman, Barry Hyman, Mrs. Sarah Webster and Mrs. Joanne Schnurer.

2 The children assembled first, of course. School was recently over for the sum- mer, and the feeling ofliberty sat uneasily on most of them; they tended to gather together quietly for a while before they broke into boisterous play, and their talk was still of the classroom and the teacher, of books and reprimands. Bobby Martin had already stuffed his pockets full of stones, and the other boys soon followed his example, selecting the smoothest and roundest stones; Bobby and Harry Jones and Dickie Delacroix-the villagers pronounced this name “Dellacroy”-eventually made a great pile of stones in one comer of the square and guarded it against the raids of the other boys. The girls stood aside, talking among themselves, looking over their shoulders at the boys, and the very small children rolled in the dust or clung to the hands of their older brothers or sisters. 3 Soon the men began to gather, surveying their own children, speaking of planting and rain, tractors and taxes. They stood together, away from the pile of stones in the comer, and their jokes were quiet and they smiled rather than laughed. The women, wearing faded house dresses and sweaters, came shortly after their menfolk. They greeted one another and exchanged bits of gossip as they went to join their husbands. Soon the women, standing by their husbands, began to call to their children, and the children came reluctantly, having to be called four or five times. Bobby Martin ducked under his mother's grasping hand and ran, laughing, back to the pile of stones. His father spoke up sharply, and Bobby came quickly and took his place between his father and his oldest brother. 4 The lottery was conducted-as were the square dances, the teen-age club, the Halloween program-by Mr. Summers, who had time and energy to devote to civic activities. He was a round-faced, jovial man and he ran the coal business, and people were sorry for him, because he had no children and his wife was a scold. When he arrived in the square, carrying the black wooden box, there was a murmur of conversation among the villagers, and he waved and called, “Little late today, folks.” The postmaster, Mr. Graves, followed him, carrying a three legged stool, and the stool was put in the center of the square and Mr. Summers set the black box down on it. The villagers kept their distance, leaving a space between themselves and the stool, and when Mr. Summers said, “Some of you fellows want to give me a hand?” there was a hesitation before two men, Mr. Martin and his oldest son, Baxter, came forward to hold the box steady on the stool while Mr. Summers stirred up the papers inside it. s The original paraphernalia for the lottery had been lost long ago, and the black box now resting on the stool had been put into use even before Old Man Warner, the oldest man in town, was bo rn. Mr. Summers spoke frequently to the villagers about making a new box, but no one liked to upset even as much tradition as was represented by the black box. There was a story that the present box had been made with some pieces of the box that had preceded it, the one that had been constructed when the first people settled down to make a village here. Every year, after the lottery, Mr. Summers began talking again about a new box, but every year the subject was allowed to fade off without anything's being done. The black box grew shabbier each year; by now it was no longer completely black but splintered badly along one side to show the original wood color, and in some places faded or stained.

6 Mr. Martin and his oldest so n, Baxter, held the black box securely on the stool until Mr. Summers had stirred the papers thoroughly with his hand. Because so